by Diana Davis
What does the ideal pastor’s wife look like?
Believe it or not, every pastor’s wife is one-of-a-kind. She’s definitely not a clone of your previous pastor’s wife, or any other pastor’s wife you know. God created her uniquely—her personality, giftedness, style, strengths and weaknesses.
Don’t fall for the rumor that there’s a cookie-cutter mold for the ideal pastor’s wife. I’ve known and observed hundreds of effective pastors’ wives, and can assure you that no two are alike!
I know awesome pastor’s wives who are tall, short, old, young, introverted and extroverted. She may wear a ponytail, pixie cute or dreadlocks. Some wear hats or tattoos or pierced ears. There are pastors’ wives who run marathons, barrel race, coach, hunt, garden, golf, and raise goats.
Some are factory workers, homemakers, teachers, doctors, antique dealers. They’re salespeople, office workers, home decorators, RN’s, CPAs, CEOs, and EMTs. Some have a GED; others a PhD. They’re coaches, entrepreneurs, mechanics and knitters. They’re on city councils, PTO boards, neighborhood watch teams and bowling league. They attend book clubs, yard sales, cattle auctions and college classes.
They live on farms or in condos, in mobile homes, parsonages and neighborhoods. They’re childless, parents, foster parents, adoptive parents, great-grandparents. They’re vegetarians, foodies, volunteers, drummers, soccer moms, readers, writers and artists. They’re biscuit burners and gourmet chefs. Some even play the piano.
Each has a distinct background and Christian testimony. Their individual ministries within God’s church vary enormously, from behind-the-scenes support to upfront leadership.
The list could go on, but you get the point. Each pastor’s wife is truly unique—like you! She loves her God and His church. In fact, she’s given her life to serving alongside your pastor. God has not called her to meet the expectations of church members, but to live for Him and serve Him exactly as He’s gifted and called her.
If you get right down to it, there are only two requirements for an ideal pastor’s wife. First, she’s a child of God—an imperfect sinner saved by His grace. Like you and me, her life is dedicated to the Savior. Second, she’s married to the pastor. She’s the only woman in the entire world who’s qualified to be that pastor’s wife.
How can you, personally, encourage your pastor’s wife? Try one of these ideas:
- Notice how she encourages her husband in ministry. Compliment her privately.
- Be her great cheerleader. Always have a good word to say about her.
- Be aware that a great deal of her ministry work may be behind the scenes.
- Show interest and encouragement in her outside-the-church involvements. Understand that God works through every area of her life.
- Say “thank you” occasionally. She joyfully carries many extra responsibilities and burdens.
You can uplift your church and pastor’s ministry by loving and accepting his wife. Will you encourage your pastor’s wife today?
© A revised excerpt from Diana’s newly released book, Six Simple Steps—Finding Contentment and Joy as a Minister’s Wife (New Hope Publishers 2015). www.dianadavis.org